Adulthood means we are able to navigate nuance. We have to accept that some pains can’t be fixed, but that we must stand witness anyway. We hold contradictory information, opposing thoughts and feelings, so that we can protect the young, the weak, the vulnerable. We do it because it is our responsibility and our privilege.

Parker Palmer, a Quaker, writer and teacher, talks about the “Tragic Gap” – a place between “irrelevant idealism” and “corrosive cynicism.” This is a place where we sit and do the hard work of being uncomfortable and working to change. The Tragic Gap means that we don’t spin out into platitudes and generalities about “love and acceptance” without taking stock in what we mean/how we are going to make that happen. It means we don’t give into despair and give up because it feels overwhelming or futile. It means we accept that it is hard and frustrating, and we do it anyway.

And so, my friend please do not worry if you are not “doing so well.” We are all trying to make it through in whatever messy way we know how. You do not have to do anything. This is not a vacation. This is trauma. Be gentle and be careful with yourself. If you can, do the things; drink water, meditate, yoga it up, but if watching cat videos and eating cheese is helping you get by, that’s OK too. Hold your expectations lightly, put your feet in the water.