Transitions are emotionally stormy and transitioning with two adolescent children is a freaking tsunami. We moved back to NYC this month (going against the grain as per usual) and navigating this storm is grueling; one punishing wave of emotion after the other.
Last night I told the teen, “I can still see the little boy in there, even though I know he is gone.”
The minute the words left my mouth, I felt a catch in my throat and choked back tears. I felt the primal wound of motherhood; separation. It is a deep cut. No matter how practical and smart you are, that pain will not be tamed.
It is so painful.
But that pain doesn’t belong to my son. It is not his to fix, so as soon as I could, I scurried into another room and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.
Parenthood means holding space for both pain and joy. It is a struggle between owning your feelings and helping someone navigate theirs. It is a crash course in adulting.
Adulthood means we are able to navigate nuance. We have to accept that some pains can’t be fixed, but that we must stand witness anyway. We hold contradictory information, opposing thoughts and feelings, so that we can protect the young, the weak, the vulnerable. We do it because it is our responsibility and our privilege.
But that does not mean it doesn’t suck.
TSY is not a traditional yoga studio, it never has been. When I started this business, we were a wandering troop, toting yoga kits around NYC, convening in unconventional spaces. Like moving my family to a place most people are fleeing from, TSY was “wrong” because it wasn’t conventional.
But this is how change happens; it is awkward and often met with conflict, derision and pain.
And yes, this year is dumb, and it hurts, so go ahead; sob and sob and sob. Then, hold someone’s pain and protect them, let them sob and sob and sob. And then, go ahead and sob and sob and sob some more.
Do both.
Thank you to everyone who has come through our many, varied, doors - we love you!
We hope you will continue to join us for classes and trainings and help us spread the word because, the “corporation” that is Kate and I, needs you, too!
And don’t forget to #vote.